


what if heaven doesn't let me in

by papparadise



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, basically just lots of comfort, eliott gives the best hugs and you cant tell me otherwse, lots and lots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:21:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23385160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papparadise/pseuds/papparadise
Summary: From afar, the sounds of Paris at night float up towards the two boys on the balcony, distant and fragmented. Faraway cars drift through quiet streets. Somewhere, a driver sounds his horn. Very, very faintly, the dying music of a muffled night club can be heard, dull bass notes soon carried away on the breeze.aka, lucas can't sleep and eliott is a good boyfriend, as usual
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 11
Kudos: 142





	what if heaven doesn't let me in

**Author's Note:**

> apparently quarantine means i'm writing fanfics at 2am again, so here you go

Eliott’s not sure what wakes him exactly, but it does, though he tries hard to cling onto the haze of the soft-edged dream that just slips from his grasp. He pushes a loose fist under the sheets, disturbing the bunched-up covers piling around his chest, then lets his fingers splay out in defeat when they fail to find the warm body that should be within arm’s reach. A sleepy groan sounds from his throat as he rolls over onto the empty side of the bed, letting his groggy limbs flop for a moment before finally opening his eyes and lifting his head. The room is dark, the bedside clock telling him it’s a little after 3am.

“Lu?” It comes out as a raspy whisper, and there’s no response, but a slight breeze running over his sleep-warmed skin soon gives him an answer. Across the room, the floor-length curtain rises and falls gently, meaning someone has opened the balcony door behind it. 

Eliott pulls himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, yawning slowly, then pads across the room, floorboards cold against his bare feet. There’s a discarded blanket strewn across the back of Lucas’ desk chair, and he picks it up on his way past, slipping it around his bare shoulders like a cape. The cool night breeze plays across his face as he steps out onto their tiny balcony, making him blink sharply as cold air hits his eyes. 

Sure enough, there’s a figure at the end of the balcony, slightly hunched over, forearms leaning against the railing. He’s wearing one of Eliott’s t-shirts with thin pyjama bottoms, and the fabric hangs loose across his back, swaying in ripples with the breeze. Lucas lifts his head at the sound of footsteps as Eliott steps across the balcony, straightening slightly against the railing and giving a tired smile. 

“Hey.” Eliott whispers once he gets close enough, pressing himself against Lucas’ back and drawing the blanket around them both, pulling it tight against Lucas’ chest. Lucas doesn’t answer, but his hands find Eliott’s forearm where it rests across his chest and he gives it a gentle squeeze, rubbing his thumb against the warm skin. His body is cold where he’s pressed against Eliott’s chest, and Eliott wonders how long he’s been out here. He pulls the blanket tighter still, dipping his head down to nose through Lucas’ hair and down the side of his neck, pressing a small kiss at the base before resting his chin on Lucas’ shoulder. 

From afar, the sounds of Paris at night float up towards the two boys on the balcony, distant and fragmented. Faraway cars drift through quiet streets. Somewhere, a driver sounds his horn. Very, very faintly, the dying music of a muffled night club can be heard, dull bass notes soon carried away on the breeze. 

Eliott closes his eyes to the distant lives and streetlights below, focusing on the faint heartbeat beneath his hands, and the place where his cheek is pressed against Lucas’ neck. He breathes in and out in time with the rise and fall of Lucas’ chest, waiting.

“You okay?” Lucas asks eventually, because, of course he does. Eliott smiles fondly and presses a kiss to his neck again, nodding into the skin. 

“Yeah. And you?”

“Mmm,” Lucas murmurs with a slow nod, then, “Couldn’t sleep.”

Eliott hums against his neck, swaying them both gently. Lucas’ insomnia isn’t as bad as it used to be, but it still comes back to haunt him sometimes.

“Any reason?”

Lucas’ lips part, then close again, indecisive. His body seems to grow heavier in Eliott’s arms. Somewhere, far away, the sound of a siren drifts up on the breeze.

“Maman called earlier today. You know she was in a temporary care home?” Eliott makes an affirmative noise. “She said the new meds are really working, they say she’s recovering really well. Apparently they think she can, well, she can go home in a couple of weeks.”

“And that’s good, right?” Eliott asks tentatively, letting his lips brush gently against the edge of Lucas’ jawbone as he speaks.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s good, it’s just,” Lucas shifts his arms, sighs. “It’s just I - you know, she hasn’t lived alone in a while, and I can’t be there for her so much now she’s living up in Roubaix...and it - y’know, I just - “

“You want to be there for her?” Eliott tries.

“Yeah - yes. But I - you know I can’t leave Paris until I finish with lycee, so if I can’t be there I want her to be somewhere she’ll be cared for and I - “ Lucas breaks off, half turning in Eliott’s embrace to look at him. Eliott can see the worry lines hiding behind the strands of hair falling over Lucas’ forehead, and the redness of his nose that always means he’s holding back tears. “Does that make me a bad person, Eliott? That I want her to be in, in a home or an institution or something? Because I - it’s just that I got that letter back today, y’know the one about the marine biology internship in Nantes? And I don’t know, it’d be further away from her, and from _you_ and I’m not even sure that’s what I want to do any more, or if I - y’know - will I even have the grades to do it, or, or to do anything else? And I just, I feel like I’m not sure about anything anymore, nothing seems...right.”

 _Oh you precious, precious boy,_ thinks Eliott, turning Lucas’ body to face him, elbows resting on his shoulders as he cradles Lucas’ head against his chest, the blanket falling down to pool at their feet. Then he says it out loud, pulling Lucas in tighter against him as his chest trembles and stutters, weak hands fisting into Eliott’s t-shirt.

“You precious, precious boy,” Eliott says into his hair, dropping kisses onto the bit of forehead he can reach before tucking Lucas’ head under his chin. “None of that makes you a bad person, baby, you’re the - the kindest, most caring person I know. Of course you want your mum to be cared for, that’s normal, and loving, and wonderful. Maybe this is just something you need to talk to her about - have you talked to her about it?”

After a pause, Lucas shakes his head against Eliott’s chest.

“There you go! You should chat to her, tell her how you feel, see what she thinks about moving into a home as a permanent resident. Chat to her doctor, too. And if she doesn’t want to, maybe you need to just trust her to know herself, baby, just like you trust me,”

Eliott strokes a hand through Lucas’ hair, desperate to calm the worries eating away inside his head. Lucas barely moves against him, just lets Eliott hold him.

“And forget Nantes, Lucas, you’ve got months before you need to have made that decision. If you want to change your course, you’ve got loads of time to look and decide. Just because you’ve applied, doesn’t mean you have to go through with it. You don’t owe them anything, and you don’t owe the school anything. And you don’t owe me anything, Lucas, but you know I’d follow you all the damn way to Nantes, I’d follow you anywhere.”

Lucas pushes against Eliott’s chest weakly, making as if to contradict him, but Eliott shushes him gently, holding him tighter, laughing softly.

“I would, Lucas, I’d follow you to the ends of the earth. I’d carry you there when your legs got too tired, and I’d carry you all the way back again, if you’d let me. I mean it.”

Lucas gives a faint chuckle into his chest, moving back far enough to squint up at Eliott, saying,

“You don’t think I’m fit enough to get there myself?”

Eliott laughs, dropping down to nuzzle the tip of his nose against Lucas’.

“You’ve got short legs babe, it’s what I’ve always told you.”

Lucas rolls his eyes and gives a half-hearted nudge to Eliott’s shoulder, then collapses back against him, small hands reaching round to cradle Eliott’s back.

“...dick” He murmurs into the skin of Eliott’s chest, and Eliott grins, holding him tighter. The faint breeze lifts locks of Lucas’ hair up gently, making them tickle against Eliott’s nose.

“I mean it, Lucas,” He says again, skimming a thumb across the exposed skin just below where Lucas’ t-shirt sleeves end, speaking into the tousled hair directly above his ear.. “I’ll go with you anywhere. Whether you’re a marine biologist in Nantes - or a washed-up business man in New York, or an unemployed surfer in Bali. I’ll always go with you.”

Sometime later, he pulls away, stroking Lucas’ cheekbones. A chaste kiss is pressed to soft lips, then he’s pulling Lucas back to bed. The two boys crawl under the covers, safely hidden from distant car noise and the dim lights of Parisian nights. Cold limbs tremble as they slide into the sheets, immediately pulling together for warmth, two pairs of legs intertwining as two pairs of arms pull towards each other. Lucas' back ends up pressed against Eliott’s chest, strong arms wrapped around his torso. Eliott squeezes him tightly, pressing a kiss just below his earlobe.

“Sleep now, precious one.” He whispers, and as warmth steals back into Lucas’ limbs, bringing with it slow-creeping fatigue, he thinks maybe he can.

**Author's Note:**

> my touch starved ass just be wanting someone to hold me in their arms and call me precious.
> 
> thank you so much for reading! do hope you enjoyed, please leave comments or kudos! 
> 
> tumblr: @papparadise


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